Being A Researcher

Lately, I think God has reminded me with pretty much shaky quotes from different sources about being a researcher;

The first one came from my sensei,

`If you can not deliver your research with your own word in a simple way how important your research is to other people then it means you have not given enough effort.`

Obviously, I have not tried hard enough. My spirit doing this sometimes get on very high yet sometimes just disappear when I got overwhelmed with the obstacles.

The second one came from a program I saw by chance in the local tv about a researcher telling his motivation on doing his research,

`Do you do your research merely because you want to do research or saving people`s life?`

The last one hit me at the core. I have heard these things not once but several times. First from my senpai, who said to me he only wants to do a research in order to save people live, and if he can not, then he preferred to be a pharmacist, the effect can be direct. On the other hand, every time my sensei utter his research plan he will include this sentence, `In the end, we hope our findings can save people`s life`

I feel disgusted to myself.
When I reflect my own motivation in doing research, I found it very hypocrite and useless, not to mention, selfish.
 I want to inspire other researcher to admit God`s presence, especially those who are always skeptical about God`s existence. And that you can glorify God through your research, through science.
And I have to admit just thinking to be a research made me feel proud and worthy, people will finally not underestimate me. Some kind of proving to myself and them, that I can do this despite of the obstacles.
In comparison to that, I feel so superficial.


I have to renew my motivation.

From now on, I will start a new struggle with God, re-questioning myself, asking God to guide me to the right way. Is becoming a scientist really what God wants?
Or has it been my own desire all along?