Proverbs 8:1-36: Wisdom

The first part of the the reading talks about the calling for the people to actively seek and obey the wisdom.

The next part, is interestingly, mentions that the wisdom has been around in the beginning of time, before the universe was even created. This indicates wisdom is not only about principles, but it is related to the Word, who exists in the beginning, … then consistently at His side; a very strong evidence referring to Jesus Christ (if not the Holy Spirit (?)). The true wisdom comes out and cannot be separated by God. The true wisdom possess vast knowledge of the past, the present, and the future. Furthermore, wisdom is characterized as truthful, just, and free from deceit.

This reading highlights the supremacy of wisdom upon all; and those who want to live, needs to seek and obey it; a justification of the first part of the reading, the calling of wisdom

The next par describes the wisdom brings prosperity; enabling the leaders to rule and govern their countries with excellence. Again, emphasizing how essential wisdom is.

Then how do we seek the wisdom?

The answer can be found in the beginning, to fear the Lord. 

Before It Ends

Share your thoughts when I am still sharp

I don't answer when I lost my senses

Build me house when I am with you

I have gone when you bought me a marble coffin

Love me well when I still breathe

I couldn't feel anything when I left

Let's go places when I can move

I would not accompany you when I fell asleep

 

Make memories with me when I am here

I am unable to erase your regrets when I am there

Pray for me when I am alive

I have my fate sealed when I am dead

Photo by joanchristine

Graveyard conversation

Today, I went to my godmother's and grandma's sister grave with my family. As usual, my mom and dad "talked" to them while rearranging their graves. Later, my little sist told me that she actually did not understand what is the point of "talking" to their graves especially if you believe they are already in heaven with God. I agreed. Honestly, I can not feel anything while I was there. let alone sadness. We came into conclusion we might be very senseless about this thing, yet, we do believe that grave is not actually for the dead, it is for those left behind. They can channel their love and memories about their loved ones so they build a memento. A grave. Personally, I and my little sist, when our time comes, prefer to be cremated than buried. We realized it will be a burden for our family especially the graveyards are outside the city, therefore, quite far. Not to mention it will take some expenses to rent the place and hire people to maintain our grave. We do not mind to be cremated and our ashes either are brought into the house or scattered outside, as long as our pictures are not burnt yet well kept, as well as, our social media account. XD We will not be hanging around in the graveyard after we die. We believe our God already has place for us. And so it is not necessary to come to our grave. It will be easier, if those miss us to open our social media account or picture albums,right? This has been my second post about death. I do not know why I think about this. My grandma's sister and godmother's deaths have changed my way of thinking about life. They made me realize that I can not set aside death from my life. One day I will face it too. You just do not know when and how. Therefore, sometimes I found myself thinking about death. I was also thinking about writing my own will, haven't done it yet though. The other reason is that since I travel a lot due to my career and my status as a foreign student, my chance of having accident are bigger, who knows, you know. I did some precaution acts such as leaving notes to my little sist about my pin number and passwords for my e-mail so if something does happen to me (please not now, God, if I may ask), she knows what to do.

How someone`s death can change your life

So, I listened to Atlanta radio, and one of the announcer was talking about how one person`s death could change your life either for good or bad.
For me, there were three deaths, well, at least, the third death- I realized, influenced how I look my life and its priorities. They were actually to the ones that lead me into my biggest regret until now.
They were my quite close family`s death; my godfather, my grandma`s younger sister, and my godmother. They were all sick when I was in Jakarta; They were all gone when I was not there.

The first one, my godfather`s, happened when I was still in Jogjakarta. I could not go home to pay my last honor to him. The worst thing, I can`t be there at his critical moment.
The second and third one, happened when I was still in Japan. Also, I can`t be there in person.
My grandma`s sis was deaf and mute. In consequence, I could not say anything to her or hear anything from her. I could not attend her funeral either.
The only good thing was when my godmother passed away, I can only heard her machine`s sound and then the blurry doctor`s voice telling she has passed away. It stays within my memory. I can still recall that hurtful event. All I can do was holding the phone and crying.  I am her goddaughter. I should have been there when she was having her roughest time. Worst is, sometimes I felt like I was lucky I was here I do not have to see her suffer, unlike the rest part of the family. I can still be absent and no one can blame me.
In the end, I blame myself.

Actually, I do not know if I can forgive myself.
How can I do this? Chasing my dreams while one of my important family member suffered?
And what was the price?
Is it even worthy?
My sister consoled me that my godmother was proud of me and not even once got disappointed of me being absent. And I have to finish this so my godmother`s dream could also be fulfilled, achieving highest education level, a chance she hadn`t be able to have.

Then, it occurred to me that this might happen again. After all, we will never know whose life will end when.
I pray that I do not have to experience this again. At least, not during  my stay in Japan.
Most of my entire life, I have dreamed getting a higher degree even work outside the country. The further the better. It will be a perfect proof that I have been a pretty much perfect grown-up. I can do things by myself.
Suddenly, it did not matter anything to me anymore. Well, it still does matter. But, not as urgent as I used to think.
In the end, it`s the family you want to go home to.
It`s the family that will be your strength and motivation.
No matter what happened, they are the ones you can count or lean on.
Others do not THAT matter anymore compared to a bunch of loved ones God given to you.

I decided to end my dream chasing journey outside the country.
I still have my dream as a researcher. I did not give it up entirely.
I want to focus doing my research in my country.
So I can look out for my loved ones.
People might see me to be lack of ambition or even motivation.
It is fine with me. People judge. No matter what you do.
I realized there will be a time I have to settle down, maybe  not because of me getting married (which I really can not even think about it now), rather, because it is my responsibility to support them also.
When that time comes, I want to make sure I will not have any second biggest regret in the rest of my life.