Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friend. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Trust
Today, I was shocked by a fact that a friend I have considered pretty much close to me
have been actually married not from him.
I felt betrayed in some level.
I thought we trust each other.
Apparently it only applies one way.
I am greatly disappointed (not meant to be a drama queen, though)
I do not have special feeling for this person,
yet, the fact he never told me about this thing amazed me.
He did not trust me.
I and my friend, who told me about this, realized several things that people around us
have been tried to warn us that time but we do not take it seriously because we thought
they were just kidding. We knew him better, that was what we thought.
Now we understand why.
It also apparently that would mean only one thing. They knew.
We had this chat group consisted of four people.
Now I can only trust one.
The other one who was acknowledged as a relative to his,
I lost my trust on her too. Apparently, she knew. She did not say a thing though
To be fair, I have never asked about what his status
So it is actually not entirely his fault not letting us or me know.
His status not been that important to me and my friend whom I still trust,yet, he have told me several personal stories and I thought he trusted me with them so there is no reason why I should be suspicious
at any level. and because of that, I thought if he already get married then he will let me know personally.
And he has been married for 3 years!
before he came to Japan and met me!
I felt like it has been a fake friendship
Again this serves as a fact that
1. you can not trust anyone entirely
2. being opened to a friend you considered close does not always mean and require the other way around
3. if you do not want to be bitter about it : be opened yet do not expect people will do the same or you will be disappointed.
I am still in disbelief.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Detach and go
Back then, I was so stupid
I thought that, when you try and as much as you can speak Japanese
and often speak to other lab mates, try to be close to them,
eventually you will be recognized as one of them.
Apparently, in the end, it is not the case
(or was it, it is not always the case?)
As what I have shared about things that somebody have already posted,
the truth is, you will always be the outsiders and aliens.
It seems and sounds sad
But, from what I have experienced,
Crying, regretting or even, forcing entering that socially established structure
will never get you being accepted as one of them.
Worse, it might not help you achieving your own goal while you were there.
So, what I have decided and been doing recently is,
detach from the group, do my work, go home, and hang out with other circles.
Unlike, in Indonesia, when you enter one work circle,
it is important to be the part of the circle, therefore, you will get your work done nicely.
I think, even a foreign worker, if he/she can speak Indonesian,
do like what Indonesian do, it is highly possible to be admitted as part of the group.
There might be little groups within that group, however, there is a feeling of
belong to this general group.
From what I heard, Indonesians are known to be very friendly and warm,
I think it is in our nature, to us, it is natural
for foreign people, probably for Japanese, such treatments will be highly appreciated,
since they might not found in their own country, in which, hierarchy and
the fact that you have the same nationality are things that get them into each other
Outsiders will always be the outsiders, no matter what the outsiders do.
Therefore, if you go to Japan and stay for quite long time,
my best advices would be,
1. showing all of your personality is useless, here, the more important is identity as a group,
show what is necessary, other things unrelated, keep it for yourself or for your foreign friends.
2. do your BEST work, good is never enough. And keep it constant. They might seem not care about you, but behind your back, they watch you closely, they test you without even letting you know. (this is why also I said to you the first point)
3. be nice and polite in appropriate level. Do not expect if you are friendly to them, they will also do the same. Do not expect, they will get closer to you, when you try to get closer to them.
4. after you have done your work, get out. You might hang out with them a couple of times, again, it will not be a guarantee you are considered as one of them.
5. hang out with other circles. This circle only work out for your professional goals. It is not for making friends. If you have friends (a REAL one), good for you! it is a bonus! Be thankful for it. If you do not have, stop regretting, get out and find other circles.
6. do not worry if you can not speak japanese, even if you can speak japanese, it is not a guarantee, you will be accepted for what you are. Do not be discouraged. If this place can no handle you, there are still other countries (and your own country) will welcome you.
I thought that, when you try and as much as you can speak Japanese
and often speak to other lab mates, try to be close to them,
eventually you will be recognized as one of them.
Apparently, in the end, it is not the case
(or was it, it is not always the case?)
As what I have shared about things that somebody have already posted,
the truth is, you will always be the outsiders and aliens.
It seems and sounds sad
But, from what I have experienced,
Crying, regretting or even, forcing entering that socially established structure
will never get you being accepted as one of them.
Worse, it might not help you achieving your own goal while you were there.
So, what I have decided and been doing recently is,
detach from the group, do my work, go home, and hang out with other circles.
Unlike, in Indonesia, when you enter one work circle,
it is important to be the part of the circle, therefore, you will get your work done nicely.
I think, even a foreign worker, if he/she can speak Indonesian,
do like what Indonesian do, it is highly possible to be admitted as part of the group.
There might be little groups within that group, however, there is a feeling of
belong to this general group.
From what I heard, Indonesians are known to be very friendly and warm,
I think it is in our nature, to us, it is natural
for foreign people, probably for Japanese, such treatments will be highly appreciated,
since they might not found in their own country, in which, hierarchy and
the fact that you have the same nationality are things that get them into each other
Outsiders will always be the outsiders, no matter what the outsiders do.
Therefore, if you go to Japan and stay for quite long time,
my best advices would be,
1. showing all of your personality is useless, here, the more important is identity as a group,
show what is necessary, other things unrelated, keep it for yourself or for your foreign friends.
2. do your BEST work, good is never enough. And keep it constant. They might seem not care about you, but behind your back, they watch you closely, they test you without even letting you know. (this is why also I said to you the first point)
3. be nice and polite in appropriate level. Do not expect if you are friendly to them, they will also do the same. Do not expect, they will get closer to you, when you try to get closer to them.
4. after you have done your work, get out. You might hang out with them a couple of times, again, it will not be a guarantee you are considered as one of them.
5. hang out with other circles. This circle only work out for your professional goals. It is not for making friends. If you have friends (a REAL one), good for you! it is a bonus! Be thankful for it. If you do not have, stop regretting, get out and find other circles.
6. do not worry if you can not speak japanese, even if you can speak japanese, it is not a guarantee, you will be accepted for what you are. Do not be discouraged. If this place can no handle you, there are still other countries (and your own country) will welcome you.
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