A slight disappointement

Maybe I am right, well, I`d rather to be wrong

but I just talked to my senior, and he accidentally talked about he will go on Thursday

to take care his (you know, that man that was now on his honeymoon trip) mouse which will come this week.

I feel a slight offense and hurt in my heart again, although, I can control it.

I was disappointed, he could have ask my help since we used the same room.

But, then again, he prefer to ask my senior instead.

I really tried to believe that he has no problem at all anymore with me

I can`t. 

Every event occurred only lead to a proof that he hated me, or at least,

he choose to avoid me

I know I have to be more on positive thinking

I can`t help myself.

God, help me!

Sometimes it tempts me to mirror his attitude so he realized how much he has hurt me.

but probably he might not even realize it and I end up hurting myself with my fear and negative thinking

The hurt comes again as I am writing now.

My logic asked me to promise to myself not to even try to think about him or writing about him at all

since if I write then it means I will make myself remember things I`d better forget.

Instead of filling your thoughts with sad and hurtful ones, you should think about God.

Instead of mirroring his attitude, you have to be a lot nicer. You have to prove that you are way better than him. That way I will be the one who puts the burning coal unto his head, which, Forgive me, Lord, frankly I just want to do it literally.

I hope I can fulfill my promise.

Anyway I have 5 days without him. Such peaceful day. I mean I almost not thinking about him most of the time, at least, until my senior brought up accidentally the mouse thing. 

I have to distract these kind of thoughts to something more valuable, like my research.....

The Underdogs

So, I wrote this article for upcoming uni festival guidebook;
The inspiration itself just came close to the deadline (as in today),
I hope they can understand my English, moreover, hopefully, it can inspire the readers

The Underdogs

Have you ever felt being underestimated by someone or people? Well, the good news is, you are not alone. Actually, being an underdog; a term used for those who are being underestimated or expected to lose; is not always a bad thing. It depends on how you act on that. You can weep on it, victimizing yourself; blaming God and the rest of the world. Or, you can actually use that as your advantage.

Being underdog makes you realize that there are things you still have to catch up. Realizing and admitting you still have things you do not know is still lot better than not realizing you do not know anything. Being underdog makes you realize you have targets to pursue. As my academic advisor said, in this whole world, the most unfortunate animal is lab mouse. It lives, but only limited in small cages. Eventually, it dies without knowing anything, why and for what purpose it was born (medical students, you know this well better than anyone). So, the next time people laugh at you or criticize you, it might feel hurt, yet, at the very least, you were given a chance to recognize things you have to improve.

As an underdog, you know, there are things you have to improve or find out how to overcome your drawbacks, thus, you know you have to work harder than anyone, sometimes, twice harder. Sounds difficult to do? Well, there is this saying you might want to remember; just because it is difficult to do, it does not mean it can not be done at all.

O.K., so, you have worked very hard, but it does not seem to change anything. People still look down on you, you still have nothing to prove yourself in front of people that you are actually better than they thought. Keep working; keep reading; keep practicing; keep doing whatever you have to do. You can cry here and there, it`s normal, you are allowed to become frustrated. Give yourself a break. Then, continue. My professor taught me, as long as you are true to yourself and continue working, something good will come out eventually. Besides, all beautiful and useful things in this world are not created instantly; silk, pearl, butterflies, and yes, even you!

Finally, let`s remember, being an underdog might mean you are still in the bottom, but when you see it the other way around; this only mean one thing, there is no other way than going up. To all the underdogs, 頑張ろう！And to all those who look us down, we only have one thing to say to you; `See you at the end of the line and we`ll see who will have the last bark.`

Review : Galileo

So, I watched this movie yesterday

What do I think about this movie?

Not bad, but to me, it feels like watching the usual drama on tv, only longer. 

It does not feel epic to me.

Also, I did not, as long as I remember, see any recognizable scene of galileo, you know, the usual scene that always occur thus define galileo movie; like when he says "sappari wakaranai", or "jitsu wa omoshiroi" or the scene when he remembers every clue and write some equations wherever he is. Thus, it makes me feel something missing from the movie. I will not go into detailed synopsis or spoiler which I believe you can find in other websites.

To be fair, there were two scenes that remain in my memory:

1. Pet bottle experiment

You can see fatherly side as well as researcher side of Yukawa Sensei. He also taught kyouhei lots of things about research. It touched my heart since I also work in research world.

2. Although not clearly understand, kyouhei started to realize tha he somehow had participated unconsciously in one important event of the story.

I have to admit the child actor's acting is quite astounding for his age. I can feel his  mixed feeling of fear and regret

Overall, it is a quite good movie. There are a lots of important message that I think the audiences can relate. Plus, the beach and ocean scenes are really eyecandy (aside Fukuyama Masaharu of course).

As acting, other than Fukuyama and the child actor, I did not find any outstanding performance. Not even when the one plays Narumi cry seeing his father got interviewed. I can not emphatisize with the actress' play. I think I will give 6.5/10.

Feeling Lost

Ok, here`s the thing
I am not that sad anymore
I guess the reason I still feel hurt
is not because I still love him
rather
it is because he has his happiness first with someone
After all hurtful feeling I have gained from him
(or because my thoughts about him)
plus his bride is quite more beautiful than me
(although my friend said I am way better than her,
hahaha, I want to believe her)
....
It feels a little bit unfair.
At least I should have gained from my tears
rather than him
But then again, it was just the ungrateful part of me

My friend agrees with me
rather than because of my heart
it is my pride that hurt due to this event
I am completely lost (in terms of loosing in a race)
Let`s just hope in the end, this all will be paid evenly
all of those tears
But let not be the way I want to
Let way that God wants to
until then, I will hold on what God said to Paul

[But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.]-- II Corinthians 12:9

Blue gifts!

I am thankful God gives me these through my sensei :)

Peaceful day

I am thankful today I can do everything in slow pace since sensei was out of town

I can also have chat time with M san; I got a chance to buy sake for his wedding  present; somehow I feel I bought the wrong present.....