Review : Galileo

So, I watched this movie yesterday

What do I think about this movie?

Not bad, but to me, it feels like watching the usual drama on tv, only longer. 

It does not feel epic to me.

Also, I did not, as long as I remember, see any recognizable scene of galileo, you know, the usual scene that always occur thus define galileo movie; like when he says "sappari wakaranai", or "jitsu wa omoshiroi" or the scene when he remembers every clue and write some equations wherever he is. Thus, it makes me feel something missing from the movie. I will not go into detailed synopsis or spoiler which I believe you can find in other websites.

To be fair, there were two scenes that remain in my memory:

1. Pet bottle experiment

You can see fatherly side as well as researcher side of Yukawa Sensei. He also taught kyouhei lots of things about research. It touched my heart since I also work in research world.

2. Although not clearly understand, kyouhei started to realize tha he somehow had participated unconsciously in one important event of the story.

I have to admit the child actor's acting is quite astounding for his age. I can feel his  mixed feeling of fear and regret

Overall, it is a quite good movie. There are a lots of important message that I think the audiences can relate. Plus, the beach and ocean scenes are really eyecandy (aside Fukuyama Masaharu of course).

As acting, other than Fukuyama and the child actor, I did not find any outstanding performance. Not even when the one plays Narumi cry seeing his father got interviewed. I can not emphatisize with the actress' play. I think I will give 6.5/10.

Feeling Lost

Ok, here`s the thing
I am not that sad anymore
I guess the reason I still feel hurt
is not because I still love him
rather
it is because he has his happiness first with someone
After all hurtful feeling I have gained from him
(or because my thoughts about him)
plus his bride is quite more beautiful than me
(although my friend said I am way better than her,
hahaha, I want to believe her)
....
It feels a little bit unfair.
At least I should have gained from my tears
rather than him
But then again, it was just the ungrateful part of me

My friend agrees with me
rather than because of my heart
it is my pride that hurt due to this event
I am completely lost (in terms of loosing in a race)
Let`s just hope in the end, this all will be paid evenly
all of those tears
But let not be the way I want to
Let way that God wants to
until then, I will hold on what God said to Paul

[But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.]-- II Corinthians 12:9

Blue gifts!

I am thankful God gives me these through my sensei :)

Peaceful day

I am thankful today I can do everything in slow pace since sensei was out of town

I can also have chat time with M san; I got a chance to buy sake for his wedding  present; somehow I feel I bought the wrong present.....

Fighting My Own Thoughts

After long, I think I found my weakness, and the hardest part of this is that I have to admit
I am in the verge of this close to become my mother;
Negative Thinking

This morning an event triggered my negative thinking again
He gave something (that I do not want to know) to his new assistant and a co-worker,
but not me
I know, I should not be jealous or angry about it
I should not expect anything
Then my thoughts raced and before I can stop, it developed into negative thoughts,
lonely thoughts
that this person only be kind only when he knows he will need people`s help
that to him, it is not important to be nice to people that he does not need any longer
that to him, it is normal to throw away a relationship,
that he does not want to be related with me whatsoever
that he only acts nice to me in front of Sensei, so he will see that we do not have any issues,

or, even when my sensei knows the real problem, that it is not him that causes the problem,
but me

that I can not understand Japanese people.
that I tried very hard to understand them, why they can`t understand me, at least try!
I am not Japanese, do not expect me to act like one.
.

On the other hand, he can be so nice and some times I feel that they were genuine.
In very small numbers.
Like when I have to go back to Indonesia, and I did not, at first, tell him anything.
Only told Sensei. I did not know whether Sensei asked him to help me or he saw the condolence envelope
from my Sensei at my desk. Nevertheless, at that time, I can feel his genuine kindness.
Sometimes it feels so fake.

Then again, my logic told me, they were all in my mind
And you can not label people based on what you feel or think,
You are not even allowed to label or judge people.
It will bring no good to have negative thinking on people,
It definitely makes things worse.
And the fact that I will not be a Japanese, they to can not be Indonesian,
so I can  not expect them to act like Indonesian people.
And when it seems to be impolite for Indonesian people, it might not the case for Japanese;
so, I  too, should not be easily offended.
I know I have to stop
but the hurt feels real in my heart.
The only thing that makes me sane is to remember that God loves me,
that although, it might be true if he does not like me anymore,
It should not take my happiness and joy from my life.
he is not my source of happiness.
God is.

Fighting your own thoughts can be such a toll
I hope God gives me more strength to bear it
and to survive this battle.
I hope I can get out from this battle stronger, so maybe,
in the future, I can help those who have the same problem like me

One month

It has been one month since she left forever

I still automatically says her name (and oma ota's name) in my prayer;

I just realized that I do not have recent photo with her; a little bit regret remained in my heart

`Unofficial` Mothers

As you knew, I just lost two women that played important role in my life.

A grandmother (my grandmother`s sister)

and an Aunty...moreover, A godmother.

While my sister can make tributes to them beautifully

I found myself could not do it.

I felt a slight guilt about it.

But, today, I think the only thing that I can do and I want to do is

pondering on their lives.

Until they finally met their God, they are not married.

Despite of that, they have been a terrific mother to me, my sisters, and cousins.

Silently, Oma Ota, in her absence of words, only voices,

She has served the family with all of her might

I and her sometimes had a fight, maybe because she and I did not understand each other, most of the times, 

because of her disability and my impatience.

She cared about us,

She helped right about everything 

about household matters,

looking after the children, while our parents out working,

making sure we eat our food.

washing the clothes,

ironing,

making up our bed

especially when the maid were out of town for the Ied vacation.

She can not hear us, yet, she understood our needs; with or without gestures,

She was the queen of neat, sometimes we even got trouble in finding our things because she already make all of the things stored so it will not be that messy.

On the other hand, Mama Grace, has been a vibrant career woman,

She has served the family with laughter, words, and even songs.

As my sister said, she has been a cool aunt for us

She has been our `running place` when we were not in a good mood with our own mother,

We told her our secrets (although probably she would tell her sister about those things xD )

She took us to cool places

To me (and I think to my sisters and cousins too), she is our role model

Personally, at some point, I really want to be like her

I do not even mind if I will not get married,

I want to be like her,

my friend, even said, she has been her role model also.

a living proof, that even without any relationship, she survived the pressure of being unmarried

Even to her subordinates, she was like their mother, protecting them yet nurturing them

with hard way, making them stronger.

Their lives made me think

You do not have to be married to be a mother

If you are married and can be a mother, good for you!

And I do not discredit every biological mother in this world, including my own mom. 

But I want to give the high credit, as high as towards all the biological mother,

to all 'unofficial' mothers in the world

They who are not married

yet, have been serving others, consciously or unconsciously,

As a mother

Women who are not  married yet

  give ears to those who needs to be heard

  give advices to those who are in doubtful situation

 let their nieces stay overnight after having fights with their loved ones

 encourage their ordinates to overcome the obstacles and always at their best in doing their responsibilities

 serve with songs

 serve in silence

 pray everyday for people they love

 are very annoying when their nieces haven`t got new dresses for some special occasions

 buy presents for the family members during Christmas

 get angry when you do not do your homework, get home late, being irresponsible, or even, when you have annoying hairstyle.

To those `unofficial` mothers in this world,

Be proud!

Society might underestimate or mock you because you have not married yet,

People might accuse you of being putting standard too high,

too busy chasing your career,

too fool to turn down the marriage offer from someone you know is not for you

too selfish

Well, they can say whatever they want

But they can not take away

your unconditional love

your people who love you for your sacrifice you have done for them

Always remember,

You are always loved.

God bless you.