Detach and go

Back then, I was so stupid
I thought that, when you try and as much as you can speak Japanese
and often speak to other lab mates, try to be close to them,
eventually you will be recognized as one of them.
Apparently, in the end, it is not the case
(or was it, it is not always the case?)
As what I have shared about things that somebody have already posted,
the truth is, you will always be the outsiders and aliens.
It seems and sounds sad
But, from what I have experienced,
Crying, regretting or even, forcing entering that socially established structure
will never get you being accepted as one of them.
Worse, it might not help you achieving your own goal while you were there.
So, what I have decided and been doing recently is,
detach from the group, do my work, go home, and hang out with other circles.

Unlike, in Indonesia, when you enter one work circle,
it is important to be the part of the circle, therefore, you will get your work done nicely.
I think, even a foreign worker, if he/she can speak Indonesian,
do like what Indonesian do, it is highly possible to be admitted as part of the group.
There might be little groups within that group, however, there is  a feeling of
belong to this general group.
From what I heard, Indonesians are known to be very friendly and warm,
I think it is in our nature, to us, it is natural
for foreign people, probably for Japanese, such treatments will be highly appreciated,
since they might not found in their own country, in which, hierarchy and
the fact that you have the same nationality are things that get them into each other
Outsiders will always be the outsiders, no matter what the outsiders do.

Therefore, if you go to Japan and stay for quite long time,
my best advices would be,
1. showing all of your personality is useless, here, the more important is identity as a group,
show what is necessary, other things unrelated, keep it for yourself or for your foreign friends.
2. do your BEST work, good is never enough. And keep it constant. They might seem not care about you, but behind your back, they watch you closely,  they test you without even letting you know. (this is why also I said to you the first point)
3. be nice and polite in appropriate level. Do not expect if you are friendly to them, they will also do the same. Do not expect, they will get closer to you, when you try to get closer to them.
4. after you have done your work, get out. You might hang out with them a couple of times, again, it will not be a guarantee you are considered as one of them.
5. hang out with other circles. This circle only work out for your professional goals. It is not for making friends. If you have friends (a REAL one), good for you! it is a bonus! Be thankful for it. If you do not have, stop regretting, get out and find other circles.
6. do not worry if you can not speak japanese, even if you can speak japanese, it is not a guarantee, you will be accepted for what you are. Do not be discouraged. If this place can no handle you, there are still other countries (and your own country) will welcome you.