Thursday, January 31, 2013
Remembering My Name
After having a fuc**d up moment last night,
I decided, I started to consider for a professional help,
you know, psychotherapist or sort
But, I do not know where can I find this kind of service here,
let alone those who can really speak and understand English very much.
So I decided to ask one of lab staff about contact person.
She asked me what happened
I said, I was thinking about ways of suicide last night
She then told me, I was not the only person
who have experienced this kind of thing
One of my senior once had it.
Then, she told me she had that thing too
but she met her husband and she could cope with it
In my mind, I was like, ` You are saying, I have to find a husband??`
Then, she stressed out, I had that kind of experience
because I did not have someone to go home here
You can not rely on those who work together with you
They will go from you someday
Our conversation then brought us to an AHA moment for me
She said, `Do not forget about who you are and
why you are here. Things were great at first, you started
to forget and drifted away. This experience makes you realize
why you are here on the first place.`
It was a slap at my face.
She carried on, `You know Sen to Chihiro Kamikakushi *?
You are Chihiro, you went to the new world, Japan,
but you started to forget your own name. Do not forget your real name.
My name is Lorinda. I am an Indonesian.
I go here to study. If you forget,
you will never come back to where you belong. In your country,
everyone is waiting for you. Focus on them. Finish this and
get out from here as fast as you can.`
She`s right, those obstacles and difficulties are alarm to myself
that I am drifting away from my previous goal.
It reminded me also a message I received from God through
my daily private devotion this morning.
A story about Balaam, the angel, and the donkey.
God sent His angel to prevent Balaam for taking the wrong way.
Even his donkey becomes his obstacle to go to where he wants.
The main point is sometimes people forget that not every obstacles
are meant to be crossed over, sometimes they are,
provided by God, to prevent you from the unseen danger.
Those obstacles are made by God to prevent you from the wrong way.
Until now, I have been frustrated because of some problems who
seems not going anywhere to be better.
They remain as obstacles that I think I will never get through it.
Then, I realized, as God has shown me through the Bible,
they are most likely not to be climb through.
they might as well as to be left alone.
God will show me the exact path He wants me to walk in.
Now, that is a beautiful confirmation!