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Sunday, January 6, 2013

Being Single

Despite of not being successful in starting any relationship with men, in some occassion, actually,
I am quite sure that I will be single for the rest of my life.

It is not like I am too afraid of starting any new relationship
or to open my heart to a man.

I do not mind at all, if that is true.
In fact, I am pretty much sure it is God`s calling for me.
I am proud of it.
I can even say with confident in front of my family and friends
I do not have any plan or any desire to get married.
I do not feel ashamed although most of my friends with the same age
are planning to get or have already married and even have a child

Being single all of my life (excluding 2 days of having a status of somebody`s girlfriend, yep, 2 days, it was a monkey love, they said, so does not count), I realized,
I am more focused with my goals and responsibilities.
I can concentrate more on my relationship with family, friends
and, more importantly, God.
I can chase my dreams
I am happy
I can do whatever I want
I can be myself
I do not need any special man to enter my life and
to make me happy or satisfied

Based on my experience,every time I fall in love,
I will make that man as my priority, worstly, even God becomes second.
It was terrible.

The last experience taught me that.
Letting myself fall in love with someone will only drag me further
from everything I should be closer to.
I was more melancholy, which I am actually not.
Does not bring any benefit at all

I do not want that to happen again.

The only thing that concerns me now is not the social/peer pressure
it is my parents.
It must be difficult having your child not married yet
not even involved in any relationship whatsoever
while their friends and families already have grandchildren
I feel like I have not made their happiness to be perfect yet

I have once or twice brought this matter
in front of them in a couple of occasion
They said they were not that worried
if until now I have not been in any special relationship
and am now concentrating on finishing my graduate course
but they seemed to be concerned
when I said I do not want to get married at all.
And sadly, I do not think I can not give that to them
I think that will be my failure
If only I can say to them, I will try to be anything that
you can be proud of
but not a wife of someone or mother to a child
They probably have to put their hope on my sisters
However, I can not say that, can`t I?

Thing that I can do for now
is praying to confirm this
I hope God can give me any confirmation
for this decision.
Eventhough that perfectly suitable man does not exist
thus will not come
I am OK with that
I have decided to follow whatever His decision
But the most important thing
I hope I do not misunderstand His answer
and what I believe in now is not merely me being stubborn
or having too much qualification or pride
Until then, I decide to enjoy my life as a single independent woman

And here`s a song that represents my thoughts about this topic

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