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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Stranger`s Point of View

Forgive me for posting ramblings and rantings about being a foreigner in this blog recently.
I have been living here for almost three years, yet, I have never felt this kind of stress before,
at least, not for the first one and half years. First, everything seemed so beautiful and things 
fall into their right places. I mean what can be more perfect than being able to mingle with the natives, talking them occasionally using their native language, got invited to some events, I obviously can not ask for more. But that changed after the arrival of one particular new member, (and probably because of the fact, that i am not the new girl in the house anymore). There are things that just do not make sense to me, and i am so frustrated because I can not do anything about those things. If I do something about them, I will `violate` the structure or even border, and will be assumed selfish or inconsiderate. If I don`t, it affects my work and even personal life.
I have actually posted some of the things that to me feel so weird (and also some of them, unacceptable), here
Now, I want to inform you some points that you have to consider when you are dealing with the natives here,

1. No matter how hard you try acting as similar as the natives do, they will still consider you as a 
   foreigner. The outsider.
   Do not expect they will include you within the circle just because you can speak japanese quite 
   good. In the outside, they may act like they accept you, yet, that is not entirely true.
   And when it happens, do not blame yourself. It happens to every foreigner. At least most of
   my foreign friends also have the same experiment 
   It is not your fault.
   You are stranger. Just suck it. Acceptance is the only way out.

2. What I just learnt from my senpai also is that he told me about the difference term of `family`
   in workplace. In my country, if you consider someone as a family member, it means you have
   consider your relationship with that person is deep. Here, that is not always the case. Even if 
   you are considered as part of the group aka `family`, it does not mean you have deep 
   relationship with them. They do not want to get too close, because they do not want to get 
   hurt or hurt people. I guess that is pathetic. 

3. They are not used to say `no`. They are not used to reject anything, even though you do not 
    like it or neutral about something. That is because they merely want to maintain the
    relationship. Not necessary because of wanting to be friend with you. and this will bring us to 
    the next point,

4.  Hierarchy is everything. Your boss can think whatever he wants to think although it might not
    be true. Once your boss or higher rank asks you, you are not expected to say no. And so, the 
    next occasion when they have any occasion you are already considered to come. Always. 
    They scared if they put it down, they will loose their relation with that important person. It is 
     said as `tsukiai culture.` You just accompany them, not necessarily because you really want 
    From these two recent points, you learnt that do not assume too fast when they seem to 
    invite you. Do not expect more. Because whenever you and that person do not have anything 
    to do anymore. It ends right there. Again, it is not your fault.

5. So from these two, you know that they do not express what they actually feel. My friend`s 
   friend who has graduated said to her that they have different face in house, workplace,
   and with their friends. You will find them act totally different in different occasion. They are
   brought up that way, especially men. So, do not expect you know anything about them, even 
   though you consider yourself close to him. They ask you to be yourself, without thinking too 
, but, how will you not think too much, when they slowly treat you like a stranger after they create a welcoming environment? You will start to ask yourself what did I do wrong? What does he/she really mean when he/she said that considering they are brought up not to express your real thinking???
Does he really want to go or not? Does she really want to be my friend or just act nice for the sake of hospitality? Of course you will think that much, given such conditions.
6. You may state your concern or problem to them or those who are in higher rank and expect 
   them to understand you. But, do not expect them to change as you want or suggest. 
   It is your problem since you are the one who enter their circle. It is you who have to adjust. 
   If you expect them to change (although for their own good or for the sake of your relationship 
   to get better), you are the one who are selfish.

I came first with this hope of getting real friends from this country. Is it because my character? Or is it because the culture clash. Apparently, the possibility is quite small. 
So small, I think I have given up the idea of it. Well, I guess, I think too much. 

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