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Sunday, February 3, 2013

Dream vs Calling

I have always dreamed and was very sure that someday,
I will be a researcher, regardless in what kind of the field it will be
And here I am, ten years later, having my dream career as a researcher
It has been 3 years since I started it in one of the government`s ministry right now
However, it seems a little bit stuck right now
But being stuck is not a bad thing,
if you see from the other way around,
it makes you think
a lot

Another thing that makes me very passionate
talking and doing aside research world, are getting around
and supporting the teenagers with whatever they love and are good at
I feel like I have responsibilities (and burden)
to convince people around me
especially those younger than me, to find a dream
believe it, and like Agnes Monica always says,
make it happen.
Because dreams do come true.
It sometimes breaks my heart hearing a teen`s story
that they actually have a dream but their parents
do not believe it, not even give a chance
and sometimes, it can even affect their relationship
If only I i can do something for them

People says that one dream can develop or even change to another dream
People change careers in the middle of the road.
It comes then to my mind,
What if it happens also to me?
What if my previous dream which has been accomplished (in some part)
is actually a start for another new dream?
There are times I think I want to get involved more in educating teens,
but being a teacher is something that I fear the most,
in fact I do not want to be a teacher. It is way too heavy for me.
I do not dare to leave my pursuit being a researcher
but I still want to inspire and help teens to reach their dream too

I wonder, why God puts those thoughts in me
Is it also a calling?
Or have I misunderstood His calling?
What if my dream was wrong from the start,
There are times I think that is it my selfish dream,
not necessarily from God?
There was also a moment that struck me when I was talking to
one of my seniors and he said, how being scientists sometimes can be so inefficient,
you can not directly help people to be healthy or stay healthy
in the end, being a doctor or pharmacist will give a direct positive effect
Besides, you can not be a scientist without a passion to help patients
That moment, I was like, I have never actually thought of helping patients
through my career as a scientist,
I want to be a scientist, because I am interested and fascinated by science`s beauty
and if you have ever read my note in my FB, I want to be scientist
so I can testify to other scientists that God exists, and you can see God
through the beauty of science (sounds really cheezy,huh ? Regardless,  I do believe in it)
Hearing that from my senior who does not even believe in God
makes all of my motivation for dream sounds so selfish,
it does not even show a possibility I can become a blessing for others
(compared to being doctor or pharmacists or teachers or lawyers, for example)

I have not decided anything for now,
I think I just have to focus to finish what I have started
This is also my responsibility.
Hopefully, I will understand clearly someday

just by looking this pic, my heart bursts and jumps to seehow young they are and how much potentials they can offer to you and how it needs to be dug out properly

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