Part of me

Please forgive me being a mellow person today
I just have to let this out
Bear with me


Today, I realized a part of me died that day;
I can still feel the pain of losing it even now
Today, I cried because of that
Obviously, I can't move on from that day

On that very day, I started to doubt meaning of teamwork on that particular place
After all we have been through together, you did not want me be there to support you, instead, you choose someone that just came and said I do not have anything to do with you

Since then, I always asked myself before every single thing I did, whether I have stopped your boundaries, until which point I have 'anything to do with you'?
Do I still belong there?
I have trouble trusting you anymore
Eventhough you said to a friend you still think I belong to your group
And that you have been shocked to the fact I was scared to you

A friend said it's a cultural problem
I watched too many drama and anime
This is the real japan, it's a alot more different compared the japan I know from those media;
I have to adjust with them
But on the other hand, he said I should be myself
Well, myself is not japanese!
I can adjust, but I too have a limit
As far as I try to adjust
Why not also try to understand me ??

I am now incomplete;
I wanted to picked that up
So I can be a whole again
Yet, it's a long and hurtful journey to get there,
I am not sure I really want to take the step